God Has a Better Idea
Increasing numbers of couples, who ask to be married at BVBC, are living together before marriage. Sometimes, they have bought the house they are living in. Many find our policy incomprehensible, even though they may have received Christian training in Sunday schools, Christian schools, and Christian universities. Let me share with you biblical teaching about sexual morality that undergirds our marriage policy.

Both the Old and the New Testaments reflect cultures in which sexual sins found easy expression in the world around and within God’s people, Israel and the Church. The Bible attaches several different names to those sexual sins. What we call cohabitation or sleeping together or being sexually active the Bible calls by a different name. The New International Version of the Bible translates it sexual immorality. That term expresses the Christian conviction that sex outside marriage is a sin against God.

The King James Version (KJV) translated it fornication. That word carries the sense of moral deterioration better than sexual immorality. Or rather, it conveys more forcefully what the Bible teaches about this behavior. Remember that as we read the following New Testament passages. 

What matters most are the motives that drive the New Testament teaching. You won’t hear anything about avoiding pregnancy and disease. You will discover a different way of looking at life. 

Let’s begin with Galatians 5:19, whichsays that sexual immorality belongs to the dark side of human nature: The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality (fornication), impurity and debauchery. They sit in a long grocery list of human sins. In verse 21 the apostle ushers us into the brave new world of truly Christian motives. Those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. 

This behavior, persisted in with no thought of God, disqualifies a person from citizenship in the kingdom of God. So, let us, who are citizens of God’s kingdom, renounce those deeds of evil which have no place in His kingdom.

Now, go forward a few pages to Colossians 3:5. This Scripture tells us what to do with the dark side of our nature. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: and the first behaviors he identified were sexual immorality (fornication), impurity, lust. The Christian understanding of God calls followers of Jesus Christ to eradicate sexual activity outside marriage from their experience.

The previous verses give the motive for doing that. Your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality – Colossians 3:3-4.Use your sexuality now in a way that is consistent with your eternal destiny as followers of Christ.

Turn over a page or so to the next New Testament letter. 1 Thessalonians 4:3 says: It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality (fornication). Sex outside marriage violates the will of God and prevents the couple from being restored to the image of God, which is what sanctification means. We ask couples not to be sexually active before marriage, because we want to encourage them to do the will of God, which is the pathway to their blessedness as human beings.

Now, turn back to 1 Corinthians 6:18-20. If the apostle had written this yesterday, it would not be any more pertinent to our sexually permissive age. He encourages the Church to go against the social pressure to conform to our sexually permissive age. But pay attention to the motives he gives. 

Flee from sexual immorality (fornication). All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. (Here is why.) Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Contrary to the propaganda of our low, dishonest age, we Christians are not our own persons. Our bodies are God’s dwelling place in the earth. We carry in our persons His presence in the world; and we are not our own. On Good Friday, He bought us for Himself at the price of His Son.

Turn forward to one last New Testament reference. Ephesians 5:3 states strongly that sexual immorality doesn’t belong within the Church. But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality (fornication), or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people. The new covenant with God commands the Church to distance itself from all forms of sexual immorality, because they all contradict its vocation in the world.

The Pastoral Center of Gravity
Keeping sex as an act between a man and woman within marriage is not just a discipline or a piece of good advice. The biblical teaching we just read reveals the wisdom of God. It gives a vision of God’s design for human flourishing. It has authority to structure of behavior, even if it occasionally frustrates our biological impulses. The vocation of the Church is to pursue that vision.

We do not impose this vision and vocation on the world outside the Church. We are concerned with how the Church lives. At the same time we don’t have to keep quiet about our vocation and our vision. The Church must never try to impose her vision of the good life on people; the Church does try to propose her vision of the good life as an alternative to the sexual disorders of the human family.

It takes courage and discipline to follow that vision and to express your belief about it. Secular culture sees sex between consenting adults outside marriage as a good thing. The entertainment industry glorifies this belief and sees medicine as the way of to handle the unintended consequences of its behavior.

How do we use this knowledge? First, when you teach your children about human sexuality, I hope you’ll remember the Christian motives. Give them a vision of goodness, of being caught up in a covenant relationship with God, of honoring God with their bodies, and of having the image of God restored in them.

Second, suppose you are dating or engaged to be married, and you find the temptation to sexual sin to be too strong for you. Suppose you wrestle with pornography or homosexuality or adultery. Suppose you listen to this sermon and think to yourself, “Pastor, if you only knew how I have failed to live up to the Church’s vocation.” 

God’s resources in the Church for helping us are like a gold mine we have barely uncovered. We have superb Christian counselors in New Castle County and Chester and Delaware counties. Christian books address all these issues. Web sites do the same. A resource we do not use enough is accountability.

Not that long ago, a young engaged guy asked his dad to hold him accountable for his actions, and he gave his dad permission to tell me how he was doing. If it can’t be your parents, our pastoral staff can help you find a responsible accountability relationship. We can give you help on how to do that in a way that doesn’t intrude on the other person’s privacy or dignity. 

You may need to confess your past. The Bible says: If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness – 1 John 1:9. If you need to speak to a pastor, the confessional is always open. Christ specializes in repentance, confession and a fresh start. We can’t undo the past, but God can forgive the past, and the future can be very different.

Since September, we have been talking bravely about building bridges to people, even those who are uncomfortably different from us. As we build those bridges, and other people cross them into our lives, a context is created in which they will discover what kind of people we are. Our values and behavior will become more obvious to them. They will want to know how we handle the challenges of truth, money, sex and power.

When it comes to human sexuality, you may find it hard to speak; it is such a private matter. But you can always say, “I don’t know all the answers, and I am uncomfortable with a lot that goes on. But I know that I want to honor God with my body. That’s where I’m coming from.” That answer will generate conversation.