In my previous message, "The Hope of Transformation," the biblical text focused on the Thessalonian believers. We saw how we are called to transformation, to become the people God created us to be.

Today's text focuses on Paul and his coworkes as being able to influence people to grow closer to Christ and to others. This passage provides examples of the qualities found in all healthy relationships that produce growth in the people in those relationships.

To be a "Christian" is to be an "influencer." Jesus himself spoke of this when he referred to his followers as "salt" and "light" – both of which are agents of influence. So if you are a boss, coworker, parent, teacher, coach, friend, neighbor, or just a person making your way through this world, you were created to be a person of influence and you can become this type of person.

"Soul-level influence" is not a technique, series of steps, or program. It flows from a person's character, the type of person they are.

It is often helpful to redefine words commonly found in our Christian vocabulary; words like "evangelism" and "discipleship." For instance, maybe "making disciples" (our great commission) is broader than many of us have thought or taught.

In manyways, discipleship is "the living out" – the demonstration – of the good news so that it touchees other people and consequently influences them regarding Jesus.

Our "discipleship" in many people's lives can start way before we do any Bible studies; or even before their conversion! Making disciples, in a general sense, is showing others Jesus and what the Christian life looks like prior to any conversion on their part. We are teaching people – all people who are in contact with us – what Christ and the Christian life are about by the way we live in their midst. Making disciples means to shepherd (pastor) people wherever they are on their spiritual journey. It means shaping, teaching, influencing them toward Christ and things of God. You are the pastor of your cul-de-sac, office, school, etc.

We cannot "give" the gospel without giving something of ourselves! To influence others we must have present. Our world, our friends, coworkers, family, neighbors, and spontaneous encounters are not looking for an explanation of Christianity. But I believe because people bear the image of God and possess an immortal soul they long for and desire a demonstration of the Christ-life.

Our text today helps us to visualize what these types of relationships can look like. Let's see how the Apostle Paul did this in 1 Thessalonians 2.

You know, brothers, that our visit to you was not a failure. We had previously suffered and been insulted in Philippi, as you know, but with the help of our God we dared to tell you his gospel in spite of strong opposition. For the appeal we make does not spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to trick you. On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men, but God, who tests our hearts. You now we never used flattery, nor did we put on a mask to cover up greed – God is our witness. We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else. As apostles of Christ we could have been a burden to you, but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us. Surely you remember, brothers, our toil and hardship; we worked night and day in order not to be a burden to anyone while we preached the gospel of God to you. You are witnesses, and so is God, of how holy, righteous and blameless we were among you who believed. For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.

First we notice the influence of a positive presense. Paul refers to his integrity – For the appeal we make does not spring from error or impure motives, nor are we trying to deceive you. He reminds the Thessalonian believers that his message was true, his motives were pure, and his methods were open.

If we are to be an influence for good in our spheres of relationships we must live out of a core of integrity. Integrity speaks of being undivided, integrated, of being "all there." It means that what you see is what you get.

The opposite of integrated is disintegrated; which means split into parts. Psychologists tell us that if we have split-off parts, we tend to hid them.

Paul said that they not only shared the message and values of Christianity, they shared their very lives with the Thessalonians – We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the Gospel of God but our lives as well.

The word "lives" in the Greek is the word psyche, which means the souls or the totality of a personality. Paul is saying, "I opened myself to you. You got to know the real me. When I was with you I was all there!" I love that about Paul! In his letters Paul expresses his hopes and fears, successes and failures, grustrations and joys.

No relationship can make it to its ultimate level until people are being known deeply.

Paul led by example. He renounced faking it and deception. He lived connected to the Thessalonians to the point where they knew not just his teachings but also his thoughts, heart, and life. He was real with them and he let himself be known by them. He was authentic.

Regarding the metaphor of household relationships (mother, father, children), we need to be careful to not read meanings that are not there into what Paul wrote. He is not prescribing fixed gender roles. Also, he is not saying that only men have certain characteristics and only women have other characteristics. All of us have these qualities; some have more of one characteristic regardless of their gender.

We notice that he describes himself as being sensitive, gentle, tender, and accepting – but we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives.

In a healthy setting, a mother is deeply committed to meeting the needs of her children. Also, unlike anyone else, a mother can sense the needs of her children even when those needs are not blatantly evident. It's no mistake that Paul includes in this passage the reference, "share our lives," because mothers are known for their sacrificial love.

[joke] I heard about a mountain climbing expedition that went awry. The elven climbers fell into a 1000 foot deep crevasse. They were all hanging on to the rope that could only hold ten people. So someone had asked the question, "Who's going to let go? somebody's got to do it or we all die." The only woman climber speaks up and says, "I think I should be the one." All the men said, "Why are you volunteering?" She said, "Because that's what women do. We put our lives on the line for men. We have babies and give up our whole lives. We serve men and sacrifice for others. We're givers. It's only natural that one of the Givers should be the one that drops off." By the time she finished her little speech, the men were so touched and emotionally moved that they all started applauding.

Tenderness is basic to all our relationships. People never outgrow their need for tenderness. We need people who are patient, gentle, and compassionate. Paul describes a mother as empathetic. The tender mother enters the world of the baby without becoming the baby. She says, "There, there; I know, I know," as she holds and pats the baby.

In relationships, before someone changes they must experience validation. Part of the reason for the INcarnation is so that we can believe God when He says, "I understand." This unconditionaly affection/acceptance provides safety. And safety provides the best setting for growth.

[illustration] Gold Gate Bridge Jumper: "I just needed someone to talk to."

Paul was also enthusiastic in affirmation. For you know that we dalth with each of you as a father deals wth his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.

If you are in a relationship and you want growth to occur, you must be "for" the other person. It is noteworthy that in other letters Paul warns fathers about the opposite attitude.

• Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Colossians 3:21
• Father's, do no exasperate your children... Ephesians 6:4

If we want to be influencers we must take a stance of Grace toward others.

Sometimes we don't realize that in our attempt to help/influence someone, we have slipped into an adversarial stance. When you begin to feel like you are "at war" over an issue – that you want them to get better but they push against you or fight you – that's a signal that you need to stop (not them). What is typically happening is that in some way they are not experiencing that you are for them.

If you feel like you are stuck, ask them: "Do you feel like I'm on your side?...that I'm really for you in this?" You might hear: "No, I don't feel that. I feel like you're always beating me up. You're against me or down on me."

Remember, you can't help them if they don't experience that you are for them. You want to create an alliance with them and against the problem. You are against the problem – not them. You want to communicate that the reason you are there is because you are on their side.

Paul also points out the power of presence in a person's life. And we also thank God continually because, when you received the word of God, which you heard from us, you accepted it not as the word of men, but as it actually is, the word of God, which is at work in you who believe. For you, brothers, became imitators of God's churches in Judea, which are in Christ Jesus: You suffered from your own countrymen the same things those churches suffered from the Jews.

In the presence of a truly lived faith the Thessalonians were impacted by the beauty, goodness, and truth of the Christian experience. It's like Paul was saying, "Our love for you and the way we lived made a way for the message that gives life to come into and take root in your heart."

We must build bridges of trust that can support the weight of truth.

Paul's positive presence prepared the Thessalonian believers to receive the Word of god as God's revelation; grow in their faith by becoming like the other churches; demonstrate faith in suffering.

If Christ-followers can translate the theory of their words into lifestyles that are distinctly full of beauty, goodness, and truth, the power of the gospel will be seen and felt.

Try to imagine what it must have meant to the Thessalonian Christians who gathered to hear Paul's letter read to them. There gathered men and women, people from all different social strata, occupation, and life experiences. There were merchants, craftsmen, converted temple prostitutes, the rich and the poor, the educated and the uneducated. All God's people, all needing to know that Paul loved them, that he knew them and their struggles, problems, pain, and that he really cared.

Then they heard these words – For what is our hope, our joy, or the crown in which we will glory in the presence of our Lord Jesus when he comes? Is it not you? Indeed, you are our glory and joy.

Amen.